Holy shit…..90 degrees outside. Body is not happy. I feel like a water balloon.
YES!
A Song of Ice and Lolz Recognizes No King But The King Of The North Who’s Name Is Stark!
Recap Season 3, Episode 9
What you will need for this episode:
1. Glass filled with ice.
2. Bottle of whiskey.
3. Friend you can slap/punch repeatedly.
Previously: In 1991 George R.R. Martin had an idea for a series of fantasy novels. He started mapping out the story and told the devil his plans:
People began reading his books and assumed that the Starks were the heroes of the story and that they would eventually triumph. People were wrong.Are we ready?
Let’s do this.
Robb’s Camp!
We open with ominous music and a map of Casterly Rock with fun handmade Lannister/Stark chess pieces on it. It’s a literal illustration of how fucked Robb is.
Catelyn, “Are you sure about this?”
Robb, “Not even a little. But we need to hurt Tywin somehow, if we take Casterly Rock we will embarrass him in front of everyone and the one thing Tywin can never be is embarrassed. Plus he probably has a lot of gold stashed there and don’t you kinda wanna go through his stuff? I bet he’s got some weird shit. Like he’s a secret bronie or something.”
Catelyn, “Aren’t I usually off screen for your strategy sessions? Don’t you wanna get your foreign born wife in here for a basic geography lesson?”
Robb, “I find myself in need of some motherly advice.”
Catelyn, “From me?”
Robb, “Yes, let’s count the things you were right about. Number 1. Don’t let Theon negotiate with his father. Number 2. Don’t break my engagement. Number 3. Don’t kill Karstark. Basically if I had just followed your advice from the beginning Bran and Rickon would be lolling at Winterfell and I’d be sitting on the Iron Throne right now, brokering a peace treaty with Daenerys. Drogon and Greywind would be such good friends! It would be amazing! Instead here we are waiting outside the Twins about to go kiss Walder Frey’s ass. So tell me, what do you think, is it a good plan?”
Catelyn, “Can you pull it off?”
Robb, “As long as Walder Frey is not a total dick.”
Catelyn, “That’s a big if. Look at your map, if Tywin has his shit together - “
Robb, “Safe assumption.”
Catelyn, “- and reinforcements arrive from King’s Landing before we take the castle, we’ll be caught between Tywin’s army and the sea.”
Robb, “Alright. If we die, we die, but first we’ll live.”
Catelyn, “Fair enough, what have we got to lose?”
Me, “YOUR LIVES!!!”
Catelyn, “Let’s do it. Show them how it feels to lose what they love.”
The Twins!! (No!!! Go away Twins!!!)
Turn back!
The Stark army arrives with Greywind leading the pack.
Hiii Greywind!!!!
Inside the castle, Walder Frey greets the Starks.
Walder, “My honored guests, I extend to you my hospitality and protection in the light of the seven.”
Everyone:
Robb, “We thank you for your hospitality my lord.”
Everyone eats whatever gross bread Walder Frey had laying around.
Starks:
Walder, “You have entered my home and eaten my food therefore by the Geneva Conventions and all agreed upon laws of war, I am forbidden from harming you in any manner and you are forbidden from harming me. We have a truce for as long as you are in my house and if either of us breaks it let the wrath of the old gods and the new rain down on our heads.”
Robb, “That sounds like an excellent deal. So I’ve come to…”
Walder, “You’ve come to eat crow.”
Robb, “Yep let’s get this over with.”
Robb:
Robb, “I am sorry Mr. Walder for any pain…”
Walder, “Nope, don’t apologize to me. Apologize to my daughters.” And then he calls out all his daughters and granddaughters to stand in a semi circle like chattel which is humiliating for everyone involved. (And ladies, I feel for you, I do, but we have gotta fix your dos, a center part doesn’t work on anyone!) Then Walder goes down and lists all their names in the weirdest most insane roll call of all time. And their names are fucking nuts, each one crazier than the last. He has ginger twins named Sara and Sarah, which, come the fuck on dude. As if these poor girls haven’t suffered enough. I’m pretty sure one of them is named Freya. So her name is “Freya Frey.” He gets to the last one and can’t even remember her name and starts guessing.
Walder, “Waldina?” (Waldina? Really Walder you’re not even trying.)
Merry, “My name is Merry.”
Walder, “Whatever.”
Merry:
Edmure:
Walder, “And this is my youngest, though she hasn’t bled yet and apparently you don’t have the patience for all that.”
Robb, “Holy shit are you disgusting. Moving on, my ladies, all men should keep their word, kings most of all, I was pledged to marry one of you and I broke that vow.”
Frey Girls:
Robb, “The fault is not with you, any man would be lucky to marry one of you.”
Freya:
Robb, “I didn’t do it because you weren’t great, because all you ladies are.”
Frey Girls:
Robb, “You all deserve love and happiness like the kind I found. I know I can’t say anything that will make this right, but I hope that within time you we can again be friends.”
Frey Girls:
Robb:
Frey Girls, “It’s like fine.”
And Walder Frey fucking gives him a slow clap for his performance.
Walder, “Well done, well done. Now you know what I need?”
Everyone, “A vasectomy?”
Walder, “No, I need to be introduced to my new queen.”
Then Walder calls Talisa forward, and I’m assuming Robb had a convo with her warning her of how unpleasant this was going to be, but nothing could have prepared her for Walder Frey publicly and loudly inspecting her body. It’s not worth repeating but suffice to say, it’s disgusting.
Walder:
Walder, “I’d thought you’d at least try to hide your pregnant belly by standing behind a plant or something.”
Talisa, “Yeah that would have been smart.”
Walder, “No, being smart would be not bringing Talisa in the first place.”
Catelyn, “I know!”
Walder, “You are super hot. Your king says he betrayed me for love, I say he betrayed me for firm tits.”
Everyone, “What is wrong with you?”
Walder:
Robb’s finally had enough and goes forward to stab Walder and ruin this whole truce and Catelyn puts out her hand and pinches his arm until he steps back.
Walder, “Don’t get me wrong, I respect it. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. When I was your age I would have broke fifty oaths to get into that without a second thought.”
Talisa, “”That?” Really? Come on.”
Walder, “I don’t have enough room for your men, we’ll set up tents outside.”
Robb, with so much venom, “Thank you my lord.”
Walder, claps his hands together, “Well let’s get ready for the wedding, the wine will flow RED and the music will play loud and we’ll all have a grand old time.”
Everyone:
fighting-for-fitness-with-tea:
This is pretty cool and eye-opening. I wish someone would do this sort of thing with male 6-pack ab models.
They even Photoshopped the woman behind Selena’s arm, because apparently not only do celebrities have to be thin, but they must also only associate with other thin people…
Enrico Francis has been caught
This pisses me off so incredibly much!
This is ridiculous. And disgusting. beautiful people being photoshopped to fit impossible standards AND most of the non-caucasian women are being white washed so they look more “appealing”
this.
makes.
me.
SO ANGRY. I can’t find the words to say just exactly what I feel about this…gahhhhhh just no.
AND THEY FUCKING PHOTOSHOPPED OUT “ELTON JOHN AIDS FOUNDATION” FOR THIS ENRICO FRANCIS DUDE HOLY FUCK
It is always good to remember that you can be lied to in pictures…
(Source: bright-happy-healthy)
What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”
“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”
“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.
“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”
“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”
“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.
“The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Williams
Let me tell you a thing, about an amazing man named Patrick Stewart
I went to Comicpalooza this weekend and I was full of nervous energy as I was standing in line to ask Sir Patrick Stewart a question at his panel. I first had to thank him for a speech he had given at amnesty international about domestic violence towards women . I had only seen it a few months ago but I was still dealing with my own personal experience with a similar issue, and I didn’t know what to call it. After seeing Patrick talk so personally about it I finally was able to correctly call it abuse, in my case sexual abuse that was going to quickly turn into physical abuse as well. I didn’t feel guilty or disgusting anymore. I finally didn’t feel responsible for the abuse that was put upon me. I was finally able to start my healing process and to put that part of my life behind me.
After thanking him I asked him “Besides acting, what are you most proud of that you have done in you life (that you are willing to share with us)?”. Sir Patrick told us about how he couldn’t protect his mother from abuse in his household growing up and so in her name works with an organization called Refuge for safe houses for women and children to escape from abusive house holds. Sir Patrick Stewart learned only last year that his father had actually been suffering from PTSD after he returned from the military and was never properly treated. In his father’s name he works with an organization called Combat Stress to help those soldiers who are suffering from PTSD.
They were about to move onto the next question when Sir Patrick looked at me and asked me “My Dear, are you okay?” I said yes, and that I was finally able to move on from that part of my life. He then passionately said that it is never the woman’s fault in domestic violence, and how wrong to think that it ever is. That it is in the power of men to stop violence towards women. The moderator then asked “Do you want a hug?”
Sir Patrick didn’t even hesitate, he smiled, hopped off the stage and came over to embrace me in a hug. Which he held me there for a long while. He told me “You never have to go through that again, you’re safe now.” I couldn’t stop thanking him. His embrace was so warm and genuine. It was two people, two strangers, supporting and giving love. And when we pulled away he looked strait in my eyes, like he was promising that. He told me to take care. And I will.
Sir Patrick Stewart is an absolute roll model for men. He is an amazing man and was so kind and full of heart. I want to let everyone know to please find help if you are in a violent or abusive house hold or relationship. There are organizations and people ready to help. I had countless people after the panel thanking me for sharing the story and asking him those questions. Many said they went through similar things. You are not alone.
^ Here is the video of my question to Sir Patrick Stewart
Photos by Eugene Lee, Thank you
